Resilience After Everything . . .

Niko and me making origami cranes for Otsuchi, Japan. 

The word "resilience" isn't a word I'd used a lot-- but I do remember Craig saying early into our relationship that he thought I was "resilient." That word has re-emerged as a regular part of my vocabulary, as part of the daily mapping of my life. Although I always used it, I confess I did look it up again just to make sure I grasped its full meaning: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change (the other definition is a physical one--the ability or property of a material to return to its original form after being under pressure or being compressed). I don't know about the "easily" part, but I did think about the ways human beings can and do adjust to difficult circumstances and attempt to restore themselves to some kind of "normalcy." And yes, this is something we've been dealing with all year. 

At my son, Niko's school (Cragmont) this year they adopted this term for African American Heritage Month as a way to think about the experiences, history, stories of people who survive, endure, suffer, and grow under challenging circumstances. I thought it was a more poetic way to talk about African American heritage--and in a way, they opened the door to children at that school to think about the idea of a "resilient spirit." One of the things they have done in the past during African American Heritage month is to invite members of the community to come and speak about the ways they've overcome difficulty and sought to make a difference in their community. In the past, Niko invited our neighbor, Kenny Pitts, who is a martial arts instructor to come and talk to the kids.

This year, though, Niko immediately identified our neighbor and friend, Irma Newman, as someone who embodied that spirit of resilience. Irma is the mother of Prentice Theodore Gray, Jr., the young man who died in the car accident with our Kyle on March 31, 2010. She is a beautiful human being--full of love, compassion, wisdom, and kindness. When the form came home from school asking students to consider inviting a member of their community to come and speak to Cragmont students, Niko (eight years old, mind you) immediately said, "I want to invite Irma!" I was so touched by this thought that he saw in Irma this tremendous capacity she has to go on, to deal gracefully and lovingly with such terrible loss (she lost her husband only five years ago), and to be so generous and big-hearted to us, to so many young people who were friends of Kyle and PJ. I have marvelled at her resilience. 

I was not there the day that Irma spoke to Niko's class, but I did receive a second-hand account of it. She sat in front of the kids and spoke about why she was there, and spoke about how she came for Niko, and to tell people the story of her own efforts to be resilient in the aftermath of losing her son, and Niko's brother, Kyle. Apparently, her story sparked the children to raise their hands in the air and tell their own stories of loss. One child lost an uncle, another lost a grandmother, another lost a pet, and even one child lost a snail. Irma reported to me later that day that it was hard to be there, but she appreciated it too. She appreciated the way that kids show their own resilience and in their own limited emotional way grasp the idea of loss. 

Since then, I've been working with a group of mothers at Cragmont to raise money for Japan tsunami and earthquake relief. Our friend Tsuyoshi Sasaki's family lived in the small coastal town of Otsuchi which was absolutely devastated by the earthquake and tsunami. We've adopted a project called "A Thousand Cranes for Otsuchi Elementary School." We have been working to raise money, get kids to write letters of encouragementand support and to make a thousand origami cranes. I've marvelled at the energy and enthusiasm of the four women I've been working with--Saori, Haruna, Akiko, and Nicole, all of whom have deep roots and connections in Japan, but who have in their own way tried to convey the spirit of resilience to our Cragmont kids--and to show them how much the Japanese people have had to endure and how patient and resilient they are. If you'd like to read more about this project, check out our blog at: http://a-thousand-cranes.blogspot.com/

All this is a way of saying---I'm seeing resilience everywhere. I am noticing resilience everywhere. I am looking for resilience everywhere. I want to be resilient and share this with others.